I have a love-hate relationship with our local zoo. It’s a beautiful zoo. There are many fascinating animals and unique exhibits. Frankly, I’m not sure how this non-major city managed to pull off such a fabulous zoo. But it’s here. Nestled half way up my favorite mountain. Gates open, beckoning children everywhere to come get licked by a giraffe (or whatever).
But then there’s the hills. Oh, the hills. I want to cut my own legs off every time I have to push the double stroller through the entrance and up that black hole of a road to get to the hippos. The last time I did it, nearly horizontal behind the stroller, inner pep talk in full force, a woman happily passed me coming down, with a little skip in her step, and said, “Look at you go! I bet you can out-arm-wrestle your husband!” Ha. If I could have gotten a breath out of my tightening lungs I would have asked her to stand behind me and push. The mustered smile was probably better.
Tuesday found us at the zoo. Hills and all. Some friends were in town, and they were celebrating their son’s third birthday, which of course calls for a trip up the hills to see the wildlife! It turns out, my son wasn’t too excited about the zoo either. In fact, the entire ride across town to get there he kept whimpering from the back seat, “Let’s go back hoooome. I don’t like zoo.” The last time we had been there, he was gripped by sudden terror when given the opportunity to feed the giraffes. Very up close and personal. Too much for the little guy to take in, I guess. He must have remembered too, because his reluctancy heightened as we took the exit, climbed the mountain, pulled through the entrance, and finally parked the car. I thought I was going to have to pry him out of his car seat.
The situation didn’t improve as we paid our admission and crossed the threshold. I thought things were looking up when he agreed to get out of the stroller to deposit a quarter in the “Save the African Vultures” display, but then it was right back in the stroller.
“Maddox, let’s go find our buddies!”
“Noooo.”
“Don’t you want to see Gabby and Zach?? Today is Zach’s birthday!”
“Noooo!”
Fearing a melt down right there at the entrance, I just started walking. And by walking, I mean heaving myself and double stroller up the mountain.
Complaints the whole way. Small. Scared. Hesitant. My normally confident, outgoing, adventurous little boy was shriveling in fear. And I felt guilty. Should we turn back? Should I call our friends and tell them we can’t meet them after all? I do feel for the kid. I can empathize. Fear can be paralyzing. The not-knowing can be too much.
My soul has been overwhelmed.
I have felt small.
I have been scared.
But there’s no turning back. I’m half way up the hill now. I have a hunch… ya know, one of those mama hunches… that if he can just see his friends, he might forget his fears.
And ya know what – my hunch was right.

As soon as we found our friends (very much over the river and through the woods and back again to finally find them), the fear dissipated into the wind. Completely. Gone.

All at once, my son was staring the mountain lions in the face, looking on wide-eyed, taking it all in; all at once a friend was beside him.
That’s why I kept pushing up that hill. I knew if I could just get him to a friend, he would love the zoo.

We even had a carousel ride! Horse going up and down. Platform spinning round. No melt down. Our buddies were right behind us, riding the same ride; feeling the same bumps; holding on tight, smiling, laughing, eyes dizzying; all together.
“Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel, and not frightened in anything by your opponents.”
Philippians 1:27-28
There is a deep connection between unity and fearlessness. When we allow ourselves to retreat into the cave of isolation, fear is soon to follow. But if we can humble ourselves, and chance the vulnerability that is the precursor to joining an authentic community, we might just find everything the Lord intends for us. We might just find a life of joy; a life of freedom; a life filled to the brim with limitless possibilities. We might find hope.
Fear dissipating into the wind.
If we could let a friend stand beside us.

Wild turkeys, indeed.
(pictures by Amber Cicchillo)
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