Discouragement in Motherhood

I want to start a business.

I want to be a known choreographer.

I want to speak into young people’s lives.

I want to lead Bible studies.

I want to read… for pleasure.

I want to go to half-price sushi with friends.

I want to take a shower, just one time (or maybe two), without a child in the bathroom with me, or worrying that someone will wake up, or injure himself while playing with the fan when he’s supposed to be on the bed watching a video.  I want to let the water fall down over my head without the thought, “ok how much longer do I have before someone freaks out” going through my head.

Do you ever have one of these days?  It seems that everything you don’t get to do is right at the forefront and it’s all you can see.  You wake up in the morning, look at your kids, and say to yourself, “Well, Self, I guess we have another day of the same ‘ol diaper changing, snack-giving, truck playing, baby nursing, afternoon-slump-avoiding, dinner making, baby nursing, diaper changing, baby nursing, baby nursing, baby nursing…”

Today was one of those days for me.

Motherhood can be so discouraging in some moments.  It can seem thankless, pointless, purposeless, and endless.  But things aren’t always as they seem.

I want to remind myself tonight, and remind you (in case you had a day like this today) that I am BLESSED.  Being a mom is hard work.  It is from the moment I open my eyes in the morning to the moment I close them at night and sometimes a few times in between HARD WORK.  But it is not purposeless.  It is not pointless.  And while it might not have an END in this life, there will be a time when my children no longer see me as their confidante, and they will turn to other friends and partners in this life.  And I want to know, when that day comes, that I have invested my whole heart in those lives, that I can confidently send them into the world knowing I have done the job that the LORD God Almighty, the greatest Father, has given me to do.

We don’t always get what we want.  That’s part of being the grown-up.  And I don’t think I can raise kind, giving, Godly kids unless I’m ok with being the grown-up. 

But sometimes we do get what we long for, because God loves to give good gifts to His children.  So I will trust that this is only a season.  Winter is cold, and icy, and windy, and melty… but when the snow falls so softly over the tree outside my front window, and the sun comes out and shines on the white mountain peak, and I get to cook hot chocolate on the stove top, I am reminded that there is beauty and bliss and wonderfulness in even the harshest of seasons.

Here is my heart, Lord.  You can have it all.  In giving to my children, I really give to You.  In serving them, I really serve You.  In loving them, I really love You.  And I believe that You will return to me all that I invest and more.

And this is a season worth investing in.