Real Community is Formed in Real Time

Posted on April 1, 2012 | 1 Comment

Community.

It’s a buzz word these days.

Especially in those Christian circles.  You know, the ones you wish you were invited into.

Community.

We talk so much about it.  We think about it.  We pray about it.  We analyze it and program it and market it.  We small-group it.  We service-project it.  We family-night it. 

But do we actually do it?

Tomorrow morning, my friend, Hannah, is coming over.  Hannah is an amazing young woman.  Full of passion and vision and the desire to serve people who have no voice.  She is a part of the 20-somethings Bible study my husband and I lead.  Hannah does not have kids.  She is not married.  Her monthly rent payment is enviable.  And the job she’s currently working gives her Mondays off.  So she’s coming over.

But not for coffee.  And not for lunch.  And not for anything resembling a quiet, peaceful sit down where we figure out the world’s problems together.  She is coming over to help.  Kids will be awake.  Laundry will be strewn.  Dishes will be piled.  Errands will be run.  There might be yelling.  She is going to spend the morning with us, just helping.  Lending a hand in the middle of real life.  And my real life is kinda messy/ugly/impromptu.  The trade-off?  I will feed her.

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”
Titus 2:3-5

I am not an old woman.  But I am older (in age and experience) than Hannah.  Scripturally, I see that I have a responsibility to those women who are younger than me.  Not to talk at them.  Not to lead once a week Bible study for them.  But to bring them alongside in life.  To include them in a functioning, real life, gritty community.  Where things don’t always go as planned.  I mean, there is a three-year-old involved here.  Enough said.

And this is a new thing for me.  I used to think community meant I cleared my schedule or found a babysitter so I could give my undivided attention to one other person and we could work through difficulties and build a “real” relationship.  But I’m learning that a real relationship is built in the midst of real life.  Real time living.  The two can’t be divided.  Nor should they be.

So now I am looking for people to “do life” with.  Life unscripted.  Life un-programmed.  Life as it happens.  As it is.  This is one hugely important aspect of doing community.  Helping one another in the day in and day out.  I am no expert on these things.  I’m just a woman trying to figure it out.  But I know I want to figure it out.  I don’t want to play pretend community anymore. 

I think Hannah and I will go grocery shopping.  Kids and all.

How do YOU do community?  Is there anyone in your life you could bring alongside?

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Ten On Tuesday :: DISCIPLINE

Posted on February 21, 2012 | 3 Comments

I am so glad the Bible gives us some guidance about how to discipline our kiddos and, likewise, how God disciplines us.  I don’t know about you, but I would be completely lost otherwise.  There are many days when I find myself thinking, “I must be doing something wrong here!” when it comes to the leading and training and growing up of my children.  Sometimes that’s just discouragement getting the better of me, but sometimes there is validity.  It’s always important to take a step back in our parenting, seeking counsel and looking at our kids through the glasses of the knowledge of God, instead of allowing those boiling emotions to make decisions on our behalf.  So today I just want to share some of that knowledge.

ONE :: “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid”.
Proverbs 12:1

TWO :: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6

THREE :: “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.”
2 Timothy 3:16-17

FOUR :: “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”
Proverbs 13:24

FIVE :: “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.”
Proverbs 22:15

SIX :: “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.”
Proverbs 29:17

SEVEN :: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Ephesians 6:4

EIGHT :: “If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons…  For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”
Hebrews 12:8,11

NINE :: “Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.”
Revelation 3:19

TEN :: “He who is often reproved, yet stiffens his neck, will suddenly be broken beyond healing.”
Proverbs 29:1

and a bonus…

ELEVEN :: “…God’s kindness leads you toward repentance…”
Romans 2:4

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Just WAIT Child!

Posted on February 11, 2012 | Leave a comment

(photo credit)

I tell my kids to wait

all

the

time.

Seriously.  Children want what they want, when they want it.  Wait??  What’s that??  Why should I?  Why can’t I have it now?

Well, because if I give you a chocolate milk now, you won’t be able to fall asleep at bedtime in a half hour and you’ll (I’ll) be crankier in the morning.

Well, because if I fix your toy right now, I have to stop feeding your sister.  And even though you’ve got a laser beam focus on that toy, she has needs that need met, too.

Well, because if I let you go downstairs right now, you will probably put an entire roll of toilet paper in the toilet, or rub hand soap all over your body, or try to climb the bookshelf to get the remote, or scrape candle wax into your underwear… because I’m upstairs making dinner.

Do you ever feel this way?  “Wait.  WAIT.  WAIT!!“  But how can a three-year-old understand the effect of sugar on his little pre-bedtime body?  Even if I tried to explain, which believe me, I have, he talks right over me, continuing to demand that he has what he wants RIGHT NOW.

“Child, just wait.  I’m not saying no.  I would love to help you.  I would love to give you what you’re asking for.  But you can’t have it RIGHT NOW.  You wouldn’t understand why, and that’s ok.  Just trust me.  I can give soon.  Please just wait.”

Frustrating, right?

Is God saying the same thing to you in this moment?

 

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Praying Against Division in Our Families

Posted on February 8, 2012 | 1 Comment

The last few months have been extremely difficult in our family (evidenced by how infrequently I’ve been posting here).  At least one person has been sick, if not the whole family, straight since mid-November.  We finally thought we were all over it a couple weeks ago, until this morning, when we all woke up with full-blown head colds… again.  The last few months have also had my husband pretty busy at his job(s) and back in school, have had me busy with extra choreographic work, and have had us both heavily invested with the 20-somethings Bible study we lead.When you throw the holidays into the mix… wow.  So yes.  Very.  Hard.  Stretch.

Did you ever have a “DTR” when you were dating?  A “Define The Relationship” talk?  Haha.  Oh those were fun.  I thought DTRs would stop once I was married.  As it turns out, they don’t.  In fact, they actually occur more often!  And then when you have kids, well there’s another relationship that needs defining.  And then another… and then… well you get it.  My husband and I have had our share of these so-called DTRs over the past couple months.  We have found ourselves continually and unexpectedly divided.  He’s going one way and I’m going the other and if you do that for too long you lose sight of the other person’s perspective, and well, it’s a downward spiral.  You know what I’m talking about, right?

It’s not just our marriage that’s been taking hits, though.  Our relationships with our kids have seen stress as well.  Less patience.  Less grace.  Less get-down-on-the-floor-and-play.  Less it’s-ok-it-was-an-accident.  Less teaching.  Less kindness.  More frustration.  More outbursts.  More time in the time-out chair.  (That would be my time-out chair.)  Again, you know what I’m talking about?

The past few months haven’t been all bad, though.  We have been making choices in our family.  Intentional choices.  To walk in the ways that God has for us.  There are God-guided transitions that we’re trying to step carefully through.  There are lives, broken, that the Lord has brought to us to disciple.  There is purging.  Serious purging of all the extra stuff in our house.  All the things that are just taking up space and not of any use and at the end of the day are simply distractions that keep us from seeing God more clearly.  The purging is happening across the board in our home, as we have been trying to rid our little suburban family life of any thing or attitude or investment that is not of the Kingdom.

Whenever we take a step toward uniting ourselves with God in Christ, and uniting ourselves with the Body around us, we will be at risk of stumbling over division lurking.  Division follows quick at the heels of unity.  I don’t think it’s a coincidence that our family has come under the influence of division during a time when we’re especially focused on taking every step intentionally for the glory of the Lord.

We battle against a real enemy.  He is a thief, a murderer, and a destroyer.  And his goal is to separate us from our Body of support so that he can easily devour.

“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
1 Peter 5:8

Praying against division in our families is monumentally important.  If we want to grow a family that has God’s heart beating at the center, we need to be prepared for opposition. 

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.  Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm…. praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication.”
Ephesians 6:12-13, 18

Things like strep throat, long hours at work, and even ministry obligations can be extremely stressful and extremely distracting.  Prayer brings our awareness back to the reality of the opposition, and it opens our eyes to the people in front of us, the people closest to us, and the fact that they are not usually the problem.

“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?”
James 4:1

Prayer also motivates action; most importantly, the act of forgiveness.  It is a difficult thing indeed to lay ourselves prostrate before the Lord, humbling ourselves before God our Creator in prayer, and still hold the shortcomings of another person over his or her head.  When we really humble ourselves before the Lord, we cannot escape the fact that we have been forgiven everything. 

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Ephesians 4:32

Repentance and forgiveness are two of the greatest tools we have in the fight against division.  In our marriage, when we have one of those DTRs, and can get to the end saying, “Yes, I hear you, and I’m so sorry for the ways I’ve been hurting you,” it’s like a waterfall of relief over our heads.  And we are reminded that we have an enemy trying to divide us, and we have a flesh that is misguided, and we really are on the same team in this messy life.

We have to meet division head on.  As a family trying to unite each member under the headship of Christ, division will seek us out.  We cannot ignore it.  We cannot wish it away. 

We must pray.

We must forgive.

We must remain humble before our Father.  Abba, who loves us, and desires to give us fullness of life.

And we will see unity once again.

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An Alternative to Resolutions and January’s Word of the Month

Posted on December 31, 2011 | 2 Comments

I’m not one for much reality TV, but there are a few gems out there that I think shed light on important issues and bring real life change for the people involved.  The Biggest Loser is one of those gems for me.  It’s one of my favorite shows on TV.  I had never stopped to really think about obesity.  I just assumed (I am ashamed to admit) that overweight people were overweight simply because they liked eating and didn’t want to stop.  After watching a few seasons of the show, I realized that obesity is often brought on by much deeper life battles, like the loss of a loved one, the struggle to feel valued, a serious injury, or poor eating habits introduced in childhood.  There is almost always an underlying dilemma that each of the show’s participants must learn to face before they will find success in keeping the weight off.

In trying to see resolutions through to completion in past years, I have often found myself discouraged, defeated and disappointed in myself.  I try to accomplish the goal that’s in front of me, but it’s like there’s this huge pile of bricks tied on behind me that I’m having to drag the whole way.  The weight of it all is too much.  I give up.  There’s always next year.

But the problem with next year is that the pile of bricks is still there.

The thing that has us giving up by the first of February is the very thing we have to turn around and deal with.  It’s not just pushing forward to the goal that gets us to the goal.  Almost always, there is an underlying dilemma that we must learn to face before finding success in the goal.

If I were to make a list of New Year’s Resolutions for 2012, it would look something like this:
1.  Get up earlier
2. Be more consistent with study time in the Word
3. Maintain a clean kitchen as often as possible
4. De-clutter
5. De-clutter
6. De-clutter

This is a GREAT list of resolutions.  In fact, I imagine yours might look similar.  But when I zoom in a little, take a closer look, I see an underlying dilemma.  My problem is not that I sleep too late or don’t like reading the Bible or have broken arms which disable me from moving the dishes from the counter to the dishwasher.  My problem, my underlying dilemma, is that I lack self-discipline.

I lack self-discipline.

That’s my pile of bricks.  And until I turn around and deal with that, I will never see the positive resolutions fulfilled.

So this year I am doing something a little different.  No resolutions.  No lists.  No ideal of the better person I will be by 2013.  Instead, there will be one word.

One word will guide me through the year.  One word will be like a flag in the front yard of my life.  One word will be my motivation, my determination, my resolution.  I will choose just one word to focus on in 2012, and let the goals fall as they will from there.

My word for 2012, and also our family’s Word of the Month for January, is…

……..drum roll please………….

SELF-CONTROL.

You guessed it!  This is the fruit that the Spirit has been working into my heart little by little over the past 6 years.  I know this is a work that the Lord wants to fulfill in my life.  My prayer this New Year’s Eve is that 2012 will be a year of great break-through in this area.  I will continue to pray over this word, this fruit, this transformation, and will let the word rest as an umbrella over my life this year.  I want to let God do His work here.

Maybe it’s one of those years for you, too, when the list of resolutions needs to go in the trash and you need to turn around and face that pile of bricks.  What is the underlying dilemma that’s buried there? 

Because truly, the resolve is in getting up every day and taking one step to lift one brick off the pile that’s keeping you from your goals.  The resolve is in choosing one step in the Spirit, instead of in the flesh, so that the Spirit can bring about the heart change that leads to better life.  Fuller life.  FULLEST LIFE!

Will you pick one word for 2012?  Will you tackle the pile of bricks?  And your word is…

drum roll please………………………………

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